A Pennsylvania judge pondered a very unusual question during a ruling issued Monday: When a former police officer stuck his male member in the mouths of five baby cows, did they enjoy “suckling” it, or were they merely “puzzled”?…

Weighing the case, Judge James J. Morley reportedly asked: “If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, ‘Where’s the milk? I’m not getting any milk’?”

…Equating the act of putting a penis in the mouth of a cow with a human baby suckling on a pacifier, the judge reportedly added: “They [children] enjoy the act of suckling. Cows may be of a different disposition.”

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